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LISTENING & UNDERSTANDING SKILLS:Barriers to an Accepting Attitude

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Theory and Practice of Counseling - PSY632
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Lesson 14
LISTENING & UNDERSTANDING SKILLS
Whatare Listening & Understanding Skills?
Following is the list of important Listeningand understanding skills:
·  Possess an Attitude of Respect & Acceptance
·  Tuneinto the Client's InternalViewpoint
·  Openingremarks
·  Openquestions
·  Paraphrasing
·  Reflection of feeling
·  Summarization
1. Possess an Attitude of Respect & Acceptance
Such an attitude entails suspending judgment on clients' goodness or badness;all humans are fallibleand
possesslife skills strengths and deficits that may result in good or bad consequences forthemselves and
others.
·  An accepting attitude involvesrespecting clients as separatehuman beings with rights to their own
thoughts and feelings. Though an accepting attitude involvesrespecting others as separateand unique
humanbeings, this does not meanthat you agree with everything they say. However yourespect what
they say as their version of reality.
·  Fromm(1956) notes that the word of respect comesfrom the Latin wordrespicere,meaningto look at.
Respectmeans the ability to look at others as they are and to prize their unique individuality.Respect
alsomeans allowing other people to grow and develop on theirown terms withoutexploitation and
control.
·  Avoidinternal and external barriers.You do not need to usebarriers and filters to protect you from
listening to the full range of theirmessages. These barriers can be internal and external:Internal barriers
operate on to distort and filter outcertain elements in messagesyou receive; Externalbarriers manifest
themselves in subtle and not so subtle voice and body cues to others that they should edit what they
say.Barriers also manifestthemselves in the more obvious verbal 'don'ts of being an active listener.
Barriers to an Accepting Attitude
· Anxiety-evokingfeelings
Clientscan express feelings thatcounselors find hard to handle:for instance, apathy, depression,happiness
or sexuality. Counselors may feel threatened by feelings directed towardsthem, such as hostility or liking.
Alternatively,counselor anxiety may be evoked by the intensity of clients' feelingsabout others: forinstance,
envy at a sibling or grief overbereavement.
·
Anxiety-evokingclients
Counselorsmay feel threatened by certain categories of clients:for example, clients of the
opposite sex, seriously disturbedclients, highly successfulclients, very intelligentclients and
clientswho have strong feelingswith which the counselordisagrees.
·  Currentunfinished business
Unfinishedbusiness can interfere withyour being open to clients. Forinstance, if you have justcome from
a heated staff meeting, youmay be less ready to listen and accept your next client.
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An Example:
"Sadaf is a successful counsellor in privatepractice. However, she is going through a very difficult period in
hermarriage. She and herhusband, Shabbir, have frequentrows. Sadaf is uncertain whether shewants to
stay in the marriage. Hard as shetries to concentrate in hercounseling sessions, Sadafhas intrusive thoughts
about her resentment with Shabbirand her anxiety about the future of their marriage".
·  Triggerwords, phrases andattitudes
Triggerwords and phrases raise a 'red flag for you. Eachcounselor has his or her - own emotionally
chargedtriggers. Counselors canallow themselves to be triggered by sexist comments, racistcomments,
An Example:
lmran, 3l , a Pakistani counselor in the UK,has to struggle to controlhis emotions with anyonewho
expressesracist attitudes. Recently lmran had a client, Richard, whostarted using the wordPakiandsaid he
thought Asian immigrants should be repatriated.Imran became so angry that, for some moments, he lost
sight of his client'svulnerability.
·  Prejudices
Counselorsare not immune from varying degrees of prejudice. Forreasons connected withyour
upbringing,you may tune out to people different from you because of age, sex, sexualorientation, culture,
race,social class, physicaldisability or intelligence level, amongother possibledifferences.
Activity 1: Assessing My Barriers to an Accepting Attitude
Assesshow much each of the following barriers either does or might interfere with yourpossessing an
acceptingattitude if counseling:
(a)Anxiety-evoking feelings
(b) Anxiety-evoking clients
(c)Trigger words, phrases andattitudes
(d) Prejudices
(e)Current unfinishedbusiness
(f)Emotional exhaustion andburnout
2. Empathy: Tuning into the Client'sInternal Viewpoint
·
If you respond to what clientssay in ways that showaccurate understanding of their viewpoints, you
respond as if inside their internal viewpoints.
·
If you step outside yourclients' internal viewpoints, yourespond more from whereyou are or where
youthink they should be?
Examples:External & Internalviewpoints
External:
·
'Whatcan I do for you?'
·
'You should get out of the relationship.'
·
'Womencan be very manipulative.'
·
'Youare going to be allright.'
Internal:
·
'You feel betrayed by yourcompany.'
·
'You're delighted at passing your statisticstest.'
·
`Youhave mixed feelings aboutaccepting the promotion.'
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·
'You'repleased that your parents-in-law live nearby.
·
'You feel appreciated and happy becauseyour daughter phoned on yourbirthday.'
Empathy as Perceived by Rogers(1961)
·
This is the ability to enter the client's phenomenological world, to experience the client's world as if it
wereyour own without ever losing the `as if' quality.
·
It involves two specificskills:
o  Perception/understanding of what is taking placeemotionally.
o  The ability to communicate your understanding to the client.
Empathy as Seen by Martin(1983)
· Empathy is communicated understanding of the other person's intended emotionalmessage. Every
wordcounts in this definition. It is not enough to understand what the personsaid; you must alsohear
what they meantto say; the intended message.
·  It is not enough to understand evendeeply; you must communicateyour understanding somehow. It is
absolutelyessential the other person"feel" understood--that yourunderstanding is perceived.
TwoForms of Empathy
PrimaryEmpathy:
Responding in such a way that it is apparent to both the clientand the counselor, thatcounselor has
understood the client's major themes.
AdvancedEmpathy:
This takes the relationship one stepfurther. You are exploringthemes, issues, meanings,and emotions
thatare below the surface of what is being shared by the client.
Levels of Empathy
Throughoutyour time with a client, youwill be using differentlevels of empathy. As the sessionsprogress,
empathywill deepen as you knowmore about your client andtheir story. You also use an appropriate level
of empathy for the stage of counseling.
1) The verbal & behavioral expressions of the counselor either do not attend to or detract from the
verbal & behavioral expressions of the client.
2) Although the counselor responds to the expressed feelings of the client, they do so in a way which
subtractsnoticeable affect (emotion) from the communications of the client.
3) The expressions of the counselor in response to the expressions of the clientare essentially
interchangeable.
4) The response of the counseloradds noticeably to the expressions of the client in a way that
expressesfeelings a level deeper than the client was able to express.
3. Use Opening Remarks & Small Rewards
·
Counselorsstart initial sessions withopening remarks that buildrapport and encourageclients to share.
·
Sometimescounselors make openingremarks in response to clientbody messages.
·
SmallRewards:
o  Uh-hmm,Please continue, Tell me more, Go on, I see, Oh, Indeed, And...,So...,
Really,Right, Yes, etc.
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Examples:
Hello(state client's name), I'm {state your name). Pleasecome in.
Whenthe client is seated
`Pleasetell me why you've come.'
`Pleasetell me why you're here.'
`Pleasetell me what's concerning you.''
`Pleasetell me what the problemis.'
`Pleaseput me in the picture.'
`You'vebeen referred by ... Now,how do you see yoursituation?
If The client seems upset:
"Youseem upset. Would youcare to say what's botheringyou?'
'Youseem very nervous.'
`Isthere something on your mind?'
Activity:Tuning into the Client'sInternal Viewpoint
Example:Student to SchoolCounselor
·  Student:'I'vegot this big test coming up and I don't seem to be able to concentrate. I'm worriedsick.'
·
Schoolcounselor:
`This is a case of test anxiety.'(External Viewpoint)
o
`You'rescared because your lack of concentration prevents you from revising.' (Internal
o
Viewpoint)
`Youwill be all right on the day.' (External Viewpoint)
o
Example:Client to Social Worker
·
Client:
'I hate taking zekaat. It strips me of all pride anddignity.'
·
Socialworker:
(a)`You loathe being dependent on zekaatwith the loss of pride andself-esteem it involves.'
(InternalViewpoint)
(b) `The recession is hurting a lot of people.' (ExternalViewpoint)
(c)`How much money do youget?' (ExternalViewpoint)
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Table of Contents:
  1. INTRODUCTION:Counseling Journals, Definitions of Counseling
  2. HISTORICAL BACKGROUND COUNSELING & PSYCHOTHERAPY
  3. HISTORICAL BACKGROUND 1900-1909:Frank Parson, Psychopathic Hospitals
  4. HISTORICAL BACKGROUND:Recent Trends in Counseling
  5. GOALS & ACTIVITIES GOALS OF COUNSELING:Facilitating Behavior Change
  6. ETHICAL & LEGAL ISSUES IN COUNSELING:Development of Codes
  7. ETHICAL & LEGAL ISSUES IN COUNSELING:Keeping Relationships Professional
  8. EFFECTIVE COUNSELOR:Personal Characteristics Model
  9. EFFECTIVE COUNSELOR:Humanism, People Orientation, Intellectual Curiosity
  10. EFFECTIVE COUNSELOR:Cultural Bias in Theory and Practice, Stress and Burnout
  11. COUNSELING SKILLS:Microskills, Body Language & Movement, Paralinguistics
  12. COUNSELING SKILLS COUNSELOR’S NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION:Use of Space
  13. COUNSELING SKILLS HINTS TO MAINTAIN CONGRUENCE:
  14. LISTENING & UNDERSTANDING SKILLS:Barriers to an Accepting Attitude
  15. LISTENING & UNDERSTANDING SKILLS:Suggestive Questions,
  16. LISTENING & UNDERSTANDING SKILLS:Tips for Paraphrasing, Summarizing Skills
  17. INFLUENCING SKILLS:Basic Listening Sequence (BLS), Interpretation/ Reframing
  18. FOCUSING & CHALLENGING SKILLS:Focused and Selective Attention, Family focus
  19. COUNSELING PROCESS:Link to the Previous Lecture
  20. COUNSELING PROCESS:The Initial Session, Counselor-initiated, Advice Giving
  21. COUNSELING PROCESS:Transference & Counter-transference
  22. THEORY IN THE PRACTICE OF COUNSELING:Timing of Termination
  23. PSYCHOANALYTIC APPROACHES TO COUNSELING:View of Human Nature
  24. CLASSICAL PSYCHOANALYTIC APPROACH:Psychic Determination, Anxiety
  25. NEO-FREUDIANS:Strengths, Weaknesses, NEO-FREUDIANS, Family Constellation
  26. NEO-FREUDIANS:Task setting, Composition of Personality, The Shadow
  27. NEO-FREUDIANS:Ten Neurotic Needs, Modes of Experiencing
  28. CLIENT-CENTERED APPROACH:Background of his approach, Techniques
  29. GESTALT THERAPY:Fritz Perls, Causes of Human Difficulties
  30. GESTALT THERAPY:Role of the Counselor, Assessment
  31. EXISTENTIAL THERAPY:Rollo May, Role of Counselor, Logotherapy
  32. COGNITIVE APPROACHES TO COUNSELING:Stress-Inoculation Therapy
  33. COGNITIVE APPROACHES TO COUNSELING:Role of the Counselor
  34. TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS:Eric Berne, The child ego state, Transactional Analysis
  35. BEHAVIORAL APPROACHES:Respondent Learning, Social Learning Theory
  36. BEHAVIORAL APPROACHES:Use of reinforcers, Maintenance, Extinction
  37. REALITY THERAPY:Role of the Counselor, Strengths, Limitations
  38. GROUPS IN COUNSELING:Major benefits, Traditional & Historical Groups
  39. GROUPS IN COUNSELING:Humanistic Groups, Gestalt Groups
  40. MARRIAGE & FAMILY COUNSELING:Systems Theory, Postwar changes
  41. MARRIAGE & FAMILY COUNSELING:Concepts Related to Circular Causality
  42. CAREER COUNSELING:Situational Approaches, Decision Theory
  43. COMMUNITY COUNSELING & CONSULTING:Community Counseling
  44. DIAGNOSIS & ASSESSMENT:Assessment Techniques, Observation
  45. FINAL OVERVIEW:Ethical issues, Influencing skills, Counseling Approaches