LISTENING & UNDERSTANDING SKILLS:Barriers to an Accepting Attitude

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Theory and Practice of Counseling - PSY632

Lesson 14

LISTENING & UNDERSTANDING SKILLS

Whatare Listening & Understanding Skills?

Following is the list of important Listeningand understanding skills:

· Possess an Attitude of Respect & Acceptance

· Tuneinto the Client's InternalViewpoint

· Openingremarks

· Openquestions

· Paraphrasing

· Reflection of feeling

· Summarization

1. Possess an Attitude of Respect & Acceptance

Such an attitude entails suspending judgment on clients' goodness or badness;all humans are fallibleand

possesslife skills strengths and deficits that may result in good or bad consequences forthemselves and

others.

· An accepting attitude involvesrespecting clients as separatehuman beings with rights to their own

thoughts and feelings. Though an accepting attitude involvesrespecting others as separateand unique

humanbeings, this does not meanthat you agree with everything they say. However yourespect what

they say as their version of reality.

· Fromm(1956) notes that the word of respect comesfrom the Latin wordrespicere,meaningto look at.

Respectmeans the ability to look at others as they are and to prize their unique individuality.Respect

alsomeans allowing other people to grow and develop on theirown terms withoutexploitation and

control.

· Avoidinternal and external barriers.You do not need to usebarriers and filters to protect you from

listening to the full range of theirmessages. These barriers can be internal and external:Internal barriers

operate on to distort and filter outcertain elements in messagesyou receive; Externalbarriers manifest

themselves in subtle and not so subtle voice and body cues to others that they should edit what they

say.Barriers also manifestthemselves in the more obvious verbal 'don'ts of being an active listener.

Barriers to an Accepting Attitude

· Anxiety-evokingfeelings

Clientscan express feelings thatcounselors find hard to handle:for instance, apathy, depression,happiness

or sexuality. Counselors may feel threatened by feelings directed towardsthem, such as hostility or liking.

Alternatively,counselor anxiety may be evoked by the intensity of clients' feelingsabout others: forinstance,

envy at a sibling or grief overbereavement.

Anxiety-evokingclients

Counselorsmay feel threatened by certain categories of clients:for example, clients of the

opposite sex, seriously disturbedclients, highly successfulclients, very intelligentclients and

clientswho have strong feelingswith which the counselordisagrees.

· Currentunfinished business

Unfinishedbusiness can interfere withyour being open to clients. Forinstance, if you have justcome from

a heated staff meeting, youmay be less ready to listen and accept your next client.

Theory and Practice of Counseling - PSY632

An Example:

"Sadaf is a successful counsellor in privatepractice. However, she is going through a very difficult period in

hermarriage. She and herhusband, Shabbir, have frequentrows. Sadaf is uncertain whether shewants to

stay in the marriage. Hard as shetries to concentrate in hercounseling sessions, Sadafhas intrusive thoughts

about her resentment with Shabbirand her anxiety about the future of their marriage".

· Triggerwords, phrases andattitudes

Triggerwords and phrases raise a 'red flag for you. Eachcounselor has his or her - own emotionally

chargedtriggers. Counselors canallow themselves to be triggered by sexist comments, racistcomments,

An Example:

lmran, 3l , a Pakistani counselor in the UK,has to struggle to controlhis emotions with anyonewho

expressesracist attitudes. Recently lmran had a client, Richard, whostarted using the wordPakiandsaid he

thought Asian immigrants should be repatriated.Imran became so angry that, for some moments, he lost

sight of his client'svulnerability.

· Prejudices

Counselorsare not immune from varying degrees of prejudice. Forreasons connected withyour

upbringing,you may tune out to people different from you because of age, sex, sexualorientation, culture,

race,social class, physicaldisability or intelligence level, amongother possibledifferences.

Activity 1: Assessing My Barriers to an Accepting Attitude

Assesshow much each of the following barriers either does or might interfere with yourpossessing an

acceptingattitude if counseling:

(a)Anxiety-evoking feelings

(b) Anxiety-evoking clients

(c)Trigger words, phrases andattitudes

(d) Prejudices

(e)Current unfinishedbusiness

(f)Emotional exhaustion andburnout

2. Empathy: Tuning into the Client'sInternal Viewpoint

If you respond to what clientssay in ways that showaccurate understanding of their viewpoints, you

respond as if inside their internal viewpoints.

If you step outside yourclients' internal viewpoints, yourespond more from whereyou are or where

youthink they should be?

Examples:External & Internalviewpoints

External:

'Whatcan I do for you?'

'You should get out of the relationship.'

'Womencan be very manipulative.'

'Youare going to be allright.'

Internal:

'You feel betrayed by yourcompany.'

'You're delighted at passing your statisticstest.'

`Youhave mixed feelings aboutaccepting the promotion.'

Theory and Practice of Counseling - PSY632

'You'repleased that your parents-in-law live nearby.

'You feel appreciated and happy becauseyour daughter phoned on yourbirthday.'

Empathy as Perceived by Rogers(1961)

This is the ability to enter the client's phenomenological world, to experience the client's world as if it

wereyour own without ever losing the `as if' quality.

It involves two specificskills:

o Perception/understanding of what is taking placeemotionally.

o The ability to communicate your understanding to the client.

Empathy as Seen by Martin(1983)

· Empathy is communicated understanding of the other person's intended emotionalmessage. Every

wordcounts in this definition. It is not enough to understand what the personsaid; you must alsohear

what they meantto say; the intended message.

· It is not enough to understand evendeeply; you must communicateyour understanding somehow. It is

absolutelyessential the other person"feel" understood--that yourunderstanding is perceived.

TwoForms of Empathy

PrimaryEmpathy:

Responding in such a way that it is apparent to both the clientand the counselor, thatcounselor has

understood the client's major themes.

AdvancedEmpathy:

This takes the relationship one stepfurther. You are exploringthemes, issues, meanings,and emotions

thatare below the surface of what is being shared by the client.

Levels of Empathy

Throughoutyour time with a client, youwill be using differentlevels of empathy. As the sessionsprogress,

empathywill deepen as you knowmore about your client andtheir story. You also use an appropriate level

of empathy for the stage of counseling.

1) The verbal & behavioral expressions of the counselor either do not attend to or detract from the

verbal & behavioral expressions of the client.

2) Although the counselor responds to the expressed feelings of the client, they do so in a way which

subtractsnoticeable affect (emotion) from the communications of the client.

3) The expressions of the counselor in response to the expressions of the clientare essentially

interchangeable.

4) The response of the counseloradds noticeably to the expressions of the client in a way that

expressesfeelings a level deeper than the client was able to express.

3. Use Opening Remarks & Small Rewards

Counselorsstart initial sessions withopening remarks that buildrapport and encourageclients to share.

Sometimescounselors make openingremarks in response to clientbody messages.

SmallRewards:

o Uh-hmm,Please continue, Tell me more, Go on, I see, Oh, Indeed, And...,So...,

Really,Right, Yes, etc.

Theory and Practice of Counseling - PSY632

Examples:

Hello(state client's name), I'm {state your name). Pleasecome in.

Whenthe client is seated

`Pleasetell me why you've come.'

`Pleasetell me why you're here.'

`Pleasetell me what's concerning you.''

`Pleasetell me what the problemis.'

`Pleaseput me in the picture.'

`You'vebeen referred by ... Now,how do you see yoursituation?

If The client seems upset:

"Youseem upset. Would youcare to say what's botheringyou?'

'Youseem very nervous.'

`Isthere something on your mind?'

Activity:Tuning into the Client'sInternal Viewpoint

Example:Student to SchoolCounselor

· Student:'I'vegot this big test coming up and I don't seem to be able to concentrate. I'm worriedsick.'

Schoolcounselor:

`This is a case of test anxiety.'(External Viewpoint)

`You'rescared because your lack of concentration prevents you from revising.' (Internal

Viewpoint)

`Youwill be all right on the day.' (External Viewpoint)

Example:Client to Social Worker

Client:

'I hate taking zekaat. It strips me of all pride anddignity.'

Socialworker:

(a)`You loathe being dependent on zekaatwith the loss of pride andself-esteem it involves.'

(InternalViewpoint)

(b) `The recession is hurting a lot of people.' (ExternalViewpoint)

(c)`How much money do youget?' (ExternalViewpoint)

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