COUNSELING SKILLS HINTS TO MAINTAIN CONGRUENCE:

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Theory and Practice of Counseling - PSY632

Lesson 13

COUNSELING SKILLS

HINTS TO MAINTAIN CONGRUENCE

This section will concentrate on maintaining congruence between counselor's verbal and nonverbal

communication. This consistency can be maintained by communicating verbal, nonverbal-all messages-

consistently. A few examples given below describe how to maintain this consistency:

Intended Communication: Conveyance of Comfort

· Nonverbal Expression

o Calm, soothing voice; relaxed posture; open facial expression

· Sample Verbalizations

o "This is a safe place"

o "Please make yourself comfortable"

Intended Communication: Conveyance of Patience

· Nonverbal Expression

Slow rate of speech; patient gestures; focused attention

· Sample Verbalizations

"Take your time"

"We have plenty of time"

Intended Communication: Welcoming the Client

· Nonverbal Expression

o Nodding; smiling; inviting gestures; open body posture

· Sample Verbalizations

o "Welcome; please have a seat".

o "It's nice to see you again".

Intended Communication: Expression of Empathy

· Nonverbal Expression

o Leaning forward; sensitive eye contact; matching nonverbal; sensitive timing; appropriate

accenting; facing client

· Sample Verbalizations

o "What a frightening experience"

o "It must have been very difficult time for you"

Intended Communication: Expression of Understanding

· Nonverbal Expression

o Matched paralinguistic and kinesics; appropriate rate of speech; gentle voice; nodding

· Sample Verbalizations

o "Yes, I do understand."

Intended Communication: Expression of Caring

· Nonverbal Expression

o Warm, soft voice; connected body posture (open seating and leaning forward); open and

relaxed facial expressions

Theory and Practice of Counseling - PSY632

Sample Verbalizations

o "I am so sorry to hear that your mother died."

o "I truly care about what happened to you."

Intended Communication: Expression of Warmth

· Nonverbal Expression

o Warm, soft voice; gentle rate of speech; connected body posture; soft facial expressions

· Sample Verbalizations

o "You really deserved this."

o "You really need support and guidance from him right now."

Intended Communication: Expression of Confusion

· Nonverbal Expression

Open body posture; accenting hand gestures; complementing facial expression (e.g.. wrinkled forehead,

questioning eyes)

· Sample Verbalizations

o "Help me understand this better...."

o "No, I'm not quite clear on that yet..."

Example: The client says that he was not interested in some job, and then says he applied for it. The

counselor in such a situation can ask for clarity.

Skill Development Activity 1

· Practice focused attention to people by practicing with friends and family.

· Apply all the skills mentioned before to your day-to-day conversations with people you know well.

· How did you feel in these conversations?

Do you notice any changes in responses? Are people aware of what you are doing? How do they feel about

it? How do you feel in these conversations? Are you learning more about these people than you used to?

Listening and Understanding Skills

"It is as though he listened and such listening as his enfolds us in a silence in which at last we begin to

hear what we are meant to be" (Lao-Tse).

Understanding is the beginning of approving (Andre' Gide).

Active listening entails showing understanding by tuning into and reflecting with your verbal, voice and

body messages the crux of the meaning contained in the verbal, voice and body messages of clients.

This term was popularized by Thomas Gordon in his 1970 book Parent Effectiveness Training. It entails

not only understanding speaker's communication but also showing that you have understood.

Counsellors provide the gift of their listening so that clients genuinely feel understood.

A distinction may be made between hearing and listening:

o Hearing involves the capacity to be aware of and to receive sound.

o Listening not only involves receiving sounds, but also, as much as possible, accurately

understanding their meaning.

Listening in a therapeutic manner means taking in the client's whole story. The first prerequisite to such

complete and active listening is the ability to allow a client to speak uninterruptedly, even if the client

takes breaks or pauses between words, sentences, or thoughts. Learning not to speak prematurely, in

essence interrupting the client's stream of thought is one of the most important listening skills.

Theory and Practice of Counseling - PSY632

Importance of Active Listening

· Establishing rapport

o You are more likely to develop rapport with clients if they feel understood by you than if

this is not the case.

· Establishing trust

o In the face of clients' inevitable mistrust, counselors need to establish their credentials of

honesty, integrity and reliability.

· Bridging differences

o By showing your understanding you build bridges not walls.

· Helping clients to disclose

o Good listening helps clients to feel accepted, safe and understood. This in turn helps

clients to choose to tell stories and share their inner world with you.

· Helping clients to experience feelings

o Rewarding listening can help clients to acknowledge their inner flow of emotions

· Gathering information

· Helping clients to assume responsibility

o Clients who are listened to sharply are more likely to assume responsibility for working on

their problems.

What are Listening & Understanding Skills?

Following is the list of important Listening and understanding skills:

· Possess an Attitude of Respect & Acceptance

· Tune into the Client's Internal Viewpoint

· Opening remarks

· Open questions

· Paraphrasing

· Reflection of feeling

· Summarization

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