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Social Psychology (PSY403)

Lesson 30

WHAT IS INTIMACY?

"Intimacy refers to sharing that which is inmost with others"

Taken from a Latin word intimus, which means "inner" or "inmost"

Arther Aron and Elaine Eron (1997) contend that in intimate relationships we psychologically expand our

self-concept by acting as if all or some aspects of our partner are part of our own selves.

William James talked about "self as object of attention" or self-concept. People will think about and

respond toward intimate ones as they do about themselves.

"A friend is, as it were, a second self" Cicero, 106-43 BC, Roman statesman

Schematic illustration of different degrees of self-other relatedness.

As this link is also established in memory, activating either memories of the self or the other will

automatically activate the memories of both persons. People will think about and respond to intimate others

very similarly to how they feel about themselves. The degree of inclusion determines the relationship

intimacy.

Inclusion of others in the self

Inclusion of other in the self

Following are described research areas

where evidence of inclusion of other in the

self has been found. Accordingly intimacy

may be manifested in:

self Other

self

Other

Self schemas

Other

The attribution process

Resource allocation

Communal vs. exchange relationships

Transactive memory

self

Other

self

Other

self

Other

Self schemas:

As the intimacy bonds depend between two

people, they begin to incorporate some of

the other's self-schemas into their own self

concept. As a result of this cognitive

blurring of self-other distinction, people need less time to recognize self-descriptive traits shared with their

partner. For example if both partners have self-concepts of being industrious and tidy, while being athletic

is part of self concept of one partner and hardworking is of other partner, it will be easier for both to

remember their traits of industriousness and tidiness.

The attribution process:

Contrary to actor observer effect, the attributions for the loved one are similar to those we would have for

our actions

Resource allocation:

Close partners also share their physical and psychological resources with each other.

Communal vs. exchange relationships:

In most of our everyday relationships, we operate on the principle of exchange that whether we should

maintain the relationship or not. The communal relationships, on the other hand, are organized according to

the principle that people are to be given what they need. With loved ones we do not think about reward and

cost, as if we are managing our bank accounts.

Transactive memory:

People in intimate relationships have a shared memory system for encoding, storing, and retrieving

information that is greater than either of their individual memories. For example, in marital partnership, one

remembers place and organization of documents, while other remembers the organization of grocery items.

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Social Psychology (PSY403)

Both can update each other on what is in each other's knowledge area, and can further embellish their

transactive memory.

Attachment as an adaptive response

Attachment theories suggest that the tendency to form relationships is at least partly biologically based.

Human infants have an infant attachment response observable within minutes of birth by:

The rooting instinct (sucking mother's breast)

The Moro reflex (ability to grasp and hold)

Within days:

Newborns recognize and prefer face, voice, and smell of their mother

Spontaneously imitate their caretaker's facial expressions

Mothers produce oxytocin hormone which influences parenting behavior. Research shows that during

labour and breast feeding higher levels of oxytocin is related with desire for companionship and taking

good care of their infants (Maestripieri, 2002).

John Bowlby (1969)

British psychiatrist John Bowlby (1969) was one of the first social scientists to systematically study the

attachment process. He studied human and other species' infants and indicated that the purpose of

attachment is to protect immature and highly vulnerable young ones.

He proposed that attachment is a part of many species' genetic heritage

There is a standard pattern of three responses produced by infants of many species:

Protest: Following parental separation, infants scream and cry to get the attention, and thus fed and

protected.

Despair: No success in getting an access to their parents results into despair which reduces the likelihood of

attracting the attention of predators in the case of animals.

Detachment: if left unattended for long periods, begin to behave independently

Parent-child attachment

It is considered a cornerstone for all relationships in a child's life. Not unique to human beings but is found

in most species of birds and mammals.

The strong emotional bond that develops between infants and their caregivers is known as attachment.

Attachment means that an infant responds positively to specific others, feels better when they are close, and

seeks them out when frightened.

Attachment styles & later adult relationships

Although our biological heritage propels us toward our caregiver, the principle of reinforcement theory

suggests that the caregiver's response will determine the strength of this desire to establish this proximity.

Mary Ainsworth (1978), one of Bowlby's associates, identified two major attachment styles

Secure: People with such attachment styles think that they are worthy of others' love;. Moreover they think

that people can be trusted. Parents of such children are nurturing and sensitive to children's needs.

Insecure: People with insecure attachment style think that they are unworthy of love, and other people can

not be relied upon. Their parents are usually inattentive to their needs.

As infants interact with their parents, they develop either optimistic or pessimistic beliefs about human

relationships (Moss et al., 2004)

Through childhood, insecurely attached children exhibit less social competence and lower levels of self-

esteem and self-concept complexity

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Social Psychology (PSY403)

Exhibiting vacillating pattern of approach-avoidance (indecisive: sometimes initiating social contact, and

sometimes avoiding social advances) invites social rejection confirming child's insecurity and distrust

Many theorists believe that infant attachment to caregivers provides a "working model" for adult

relationships. Hence, there is some evidence for continuity. However, attachment style may change if a

person has a significant attachment-related event (e.g., divorce, abuse, etc.)

Attachment styles and culture

Although a universal feature, the nature of attachment styles is shaped by culture. These differences are due

to different views about how to raise children, promoting independence or otherwise. For example, in

individualistic cultures, parents discourage their children from staying near and are more likely to give

them toys rather than picking them up. One study reported that American and German children are more

likely to develop an insecure attachment style than those of Japanese (Cole, 1992).

New concepts in attachment styles

An additional discovery was that attachment styles are being determined by two basic attitudes:

The extent to which one's self esteem is positive or negative

The extent to which one perceives others trustworthy

This new conception of attachment yields four kinds of attachment styles:

Secure: characterized by trust, a lack of concern with being abandoned, and a feeling of being valued &

well liked

Preoccupied: characterized by trust, but combined with a feeling of being unworthy of others' love and a

fear of abandonment

Dismissing-avoidant: characterized by low trust and avoidance of intimacy combined with high self-

esteem and compulsive self-reliance

Fearful-avoidant: characterized by low trust and avoidance of intimacy, combined with a feeling of being

unworthy of others' love and a fear of rejection

Research on attachment styles

High interpersonal trust

Securely attached report positive family

(low avoidance)

relationships when young, while the

Secure

Preoccupied

insecurely attached rate their childhood family

environment as emotionally cold and openly

conflicted (Klohnen & Bera, 1998)

High S.esteem

Low S.esteem

Securely attached adults easily become close

(low anxiety)

to others, expect intimate relationships to

(high anxiety)

endure, and handle relationship conflicts

constructively (Morrison et al., 1997)

Dismissing

Fearful

If securely attached are involved with insecure

Avoidant

ones, there is prototype mismatch, but secure

avoidant

Low interpersonal trust

partner can buffer the negative effects and

(high avoidance)

may gradually change the insecure and make

him change his feelings of intimacy and self-

worth (Feeney, 2003)

Reading

· Franzoi, S. (2003). Social Psychology. Boston: McGraw-Hill. Chapter 12.

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